


Oh Baby

by Junliet



Series: Shorter fics/one shots [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Crack, Embarrassment, Established Relationship, M/M, Poor Jun, knife shoes appreciation society, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 12:36:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17580977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junliet/pseuds/Junliet
Summary: Javier was 98.39% sure this wasn’t his or Yuzuru’s fault. He was also 109.05% sure they’d be blamed for it anyway.In which Jun somehow gets turned into a toddler and no one knows what to do





	Oh Baby

**Author's Note:**

> This is a joke! It isn't meant to make sense! 
> 
> Side note: Anyone notice what I did with the percentages for how sure Javier is? (Think Helsinki)

Javier was 98.39% sure this wasn’t his or Yuzuru’s fault. He was also 109.05% sure they’d be blamed for it anyway.

One minute they’d been teasing Jun Hwan happily, like they often did. Yuzuru had booped him on the nose with Pooh, babying him a little. Jun never minded, he laughed with them afterwards when they treated him like a proper adult again, and Javier was just waiting for when Yuzuru got bored, when Jun went pale. The next thing he knew, Jun wasn’t there. Instead, there was a pile of clothes on the bench where he’d been sitting, and, buried under the Team Korea jacket, was a giggling toddler

Well shit.

Javier scooped up the child, wrapping him up in the jacket to keep him somewhat warm. Yuzuru stared at the small child like it was a ticking time bomb. Given that Javier didn’t know if Jun would remember potty training or not, maybe it was.

“What do we do?” Yuzuru asked, looking down at the toddler version of Jun. The child was definitely Jun; his hair was a dead giveaway. His large brown eyes blinked open, looking up at Yuzuru and Javier with a sunshine smile that melted Javier’s heart.

“I don’t know, but he’s so cute like this.” Javier whispered, letting Jun play with his hand.

“Daddy!” Jun shouted, making Yuzuru freeze and Javier chuckle, shaking his head.

“What are you two playing about at?” Brian shouted from across the ice, skating over to them. “I sent you two to go and get lunch with Jun. Where is he? Don’t tell me you lost him in Toronto.” His face contorted into confusion when he saw the toddler wrapped up in the jacket in Javier’s arms. “Oh my God, don’t tell me—”

“That’s Jun.” Yuzuru cut in, nodding at the toddler. Jun studied Brian for a moment before he reached out a hand to him.

“Uncle!”

“At least he’s speaking in English rather than Korean so we can sort of do something about it without his mother knowing.” Brian shook his head, sighing. “Still, what on earth did you two do?”

“Nothing!” Yuzuru defended, holding up Pooh. “Nothing! We were joking around with him, and then suddenly he turned into this!”

Brian waved Tracy over, folding his arms and glaring at Javier and Yuzuru.

“What’s wrong Brian? Oh, Javier, what a cute little toddler! Did you two finally adopt?”

Javier snorted as Brian rolled his eyes and Yuzuru went pale. “No no Tracy, he’s not our baby. He—”

“Whose baby did you steal this time?” Tracy asked, looking past them to the lounge. “Whoever they are, they’ve left by now.”

“It’s not… Tracy, it’s hard to explain.” Yuzuru started, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well, I’m listening.”

“It’s Jun!” Yuzuru blurted. The toddler looked up at the mention of his name and grinned at Yuzuru, making grabby hands at him. Yuzuru scooped him, with the jacket around him, out of Javier’s arms and cuddled him close to his chest.

“Daddy?”

“No, I’m not Daddy.” Yuzuru said with a little chuckle, playing with Jun’s fingers lightly. Tracy’s eyes widened and she studied him.

“That toddler is Jun Hwan Cha?”

“Yes.”

“Jun Hwan Cha the figure skater?”

“Yes.” Javier said, rolling his eyes.

“Jun Hwan Cha, the seventeen-year-old, not the two-year-old?”

“Well, he is three now it seems.”

“Javier, how the hell are we meant to explain this to his mother?! She barely understands English with his help?” Brian asked. Javier sighed, shaking his head.

“I don’t know? Maybe someone else will know something.”

“I know something.” Yuzuru’s comment caused them to perk up. Javier went pale, Tracy gasped, and Brian looked ready to vomit. “He isn’t very well potty trained.”

“Wash the jacket for him before he turns back to normal.” Brian commented. “There should be some spare towels around here somewhere.”

“I’ve got my kids’ baby stuff still at home. I’ll go and grab that, and then we can work out what to do.”

Yuzuru became the unofficial Jun carer, and he cooed over and played with the toddler, wrapped up in a towel after he had been washed carefully under the shower. Toddler Jun liked Pooh and kept on asking questions about him, which Yuzuru was more than happy to answer. Brian and Javier sat a little way away, searching frantically for everything and anything to help them.

“Apparently if you wash a baby in tomato juice, it makes them age faster?” Brian suggested.

“This article says you should take them to a fairy circle under a full moon and then chant some Latin poem.”

“This one says something about true love’s kiss, but I’m not going to even try to contact what’s her name? Song Ji Hyo?”

“What about rubbing him in garlic?”

“He’s a baby, not a vampire Javier.”

Javier flopped back in his seat, rubbing his forehead with his hand. “You know, when I said I’d come back to the Cricket Club to hang out with my fiancé until Worlds, I didn’t think anything like this would happen.”

“Neither did I.” Brian massaged his temples and stood up. “I’m going to get a coffee. Do you want one?”

Javier nodded, too mentally drained to speak. He cracked a smile when he saw his fiancé drying the toddler’s hair, fluffing it up and giggling with him.

_Could this sort of thing happen in a few years’ time?_

“Sorry that took so long!” Tracy burst into the lounge where they’d set up camp and took Jun from Yuzuru carefully. She slipped him into a diaper, which Yuzuru thanked her profusely for, and then buttoned up a baby-gro. Yuzuru raised an eyebrow at her.

“You choose deliberately?” He asked, gesturing to the baby Winnie the Pooh now sitting on his lap once Tracy had passed Jun back.

“Maybe I did.” Tracy said with a little grin. “What are you two planning to do if he doesn’t go back to normal soon?”

Javier swallowed thickly before he looked up, meeting Yuzuru’s eyes. “I’m staying with his mother at their place at the moment. I don’t know how she’d react.”

“Mother loves kids. She wouldn’t mind, just be surprised.”

Tracy looked down at Jun, smiling kindly at him as he played with Yuzuru’s fingers again. “Well, if you guys need me, you know you can call me at any time, right?”

“Yes Tracy!” Yuzuru said with a smile. He passed Jun to Javier, who cuddled him gently and let him rest against his shoulder as the toddler’s eyes dropped. Yuzuru folded up Jun Hwan’s training gear and put it safely in Brian’s office for when he came back to normal.

Getting him home on the bus wasn’t fun. Every loud noise spooked him, and every little bump caused the tired toddler’s eyes to well up with tears. Yuzuru contemplated banging his head against the window repeatedly when Jun decided to start screaming because of a speed bump.

“Let me.” Javier said gently, taking Jun from Yuzuru. The younger just nodded, looking out of the window with a headache.

“Jun,” Javier tried, bouncing the toddler lightly, “Jun, cari, come on, please be nice to Yuzu. He’s been taking care of you all day, and he split his rice with you at lunch. Pretty please stop crying?”

Whatever magic Javier possessed, Yuzuru was eternally grateful for it. Jun stopped crying and looked up at Javier with the large brown eyes that could easily have been passed on by the Spaniard.

“Oh, what a cute young man!” The lady behind them on the bus said, drawing all of their attention. “Those eyes of his are gorgeous. Everyone had better watch out in the future. He’ll be a model or an actor at some point, and then he’ll be a lady killer.”

Javier chuckled and Yuzuru nodded, barely understanding what the woman was saying. Jun looked up at her and tilted his head before he grinned brightly.

“Oh, that smile is so cute too! I can see he gets his looks from both his daddies!”

“What?” Yuzuru asked, sitting bolt upright. “Um, he’s not—”

“He’s biologically not our child.” Javier said, a little uncomfortably.

“Well, he sure looks like he could be your kid. You three make a very beautiful family.”

Jun chose that moment to nuzzle into Javier’s chest and make the mess worse.

“Daddy!”

Yuzuru did then bang his head lightly against the window in frustration as the woman only raised an eyebrow and stepped off the bus. Javier and Yuzuru exchanged a look before they glanced down at the toddler chewing on his thumb on Javier’s lap.

Yuzuru had texted ahead to tell his mother what was going on, and he was so glad he’d asked her to come back to Toronto with him this season. As soon as they appeared, she whisked Jun away, playing with him and talking to him softly with kind words of Japanese. Brian had informed Jun’s mother as best as he could with what was going on, but, as she was away in Seoul at the moment, there was nothing she could do but agree with what Brian had planned.

“I’m so glad your mother has everything under control.” Javier said, kissing Yuzuru’s cheek softly as they lay on Yuzuru’s bed. Yuzuru’s mother had set up the guest room for Jun, hoping that he wouldn’t hurt himself. She’d surrounded the big bed with extra pillows just in case. Yuzuru nodded, yawning cutely as his head rested against Javier’s chest. The Spanish man pulled his fiancé’s glasses off and kissed his cheek gently before he turned out the light.

The next day was much better. Yuzuru’s mother’s magic was incredible. Jun was sitting at the table, proudly eating his way through a bowl of porridge as he only got a little on himself. Javier nursed a coffee as Yuzuru nattered away to his mother in Japanese, before she pushed Jun into his arms, gave the three of them a kiss, and sent them to the rink.

At the rink, their prayers had been answered. There, in the foyer, was the Queen herself: Yuna. She smiled at Javier and Yuzuru, and her eyes widened a little at the child in Yuzuru’s arms.

“Pass him here please. I can help you.”

Yuzuru did as he was told, handing Jun to her. Brian and Tracy watched from the other side of Javier.

“Mama!” Jun shouted, looking up at Yuna with bright eyes as he waved his arms at her. She smiled gently down at him and muttered something in Korean.

A bright white light surrounded both her and Jun, and Yuzuru had to shield his eyes to stop himself doing permanent damage to his retinas. When they could finally look again, he let out a small shriek and turned around.

Jun was back to normal, but Yuzuru remember that he’d folded up his clothes and put them in Brian’s office.

Poor Jun wanted to curl up and hide as Yuzuru handed him his things without making eye contact, or looking at him anywhere. The seventeen-year-old ran off to the changing rooms, whole body red from embarrassment. When he came out, he repeated Korean apologies to Yuna over and over again, but she brushed them away, giving him a hug and everyone else a polite wave before she left.

“What happened to me?” Jun asked meekly, not sure if he really wanted to know.

“You turned into a toddler.” Tracy said gently. “We’re not quite sure why.”

“I was naked.” He said in shock. “I was naked in front of Kim Yuna.”

“Oh God we broke him.” Brian said, shaking his head. “We broke him fully.”

“She’s a national treasure and I just- oh God.”

“Relax. She’ll get over it.” Javier said gently.

Jun shook his head, face buried in his hands from embarrassment. “What else did I do that was embarrassing?” He then looked up, frowning.

“Where’s my Team Korea jacket?”


End file.
